EFT Relationship Fear Q & A: Run Away or Emotional Abuse

QUESTION: I have a history of being in relationships where I was treated in a disrespectful and demeaning manner. The tapping I’ve done has shifted a few things however, for the most part, I am still either running away from potential partners or I get involved with emotionally abusive men.

I feel I am not getting to the real underlying cause of this unhealthy behavior. How do I do the EFT tapping to help me end this relationship fear issue? I’d really love to get on with this area of my life! Thank you :)

ANSWER: Sounds like your subconscious mind is taking over and causing you to get into relationships with partners who demean you. Or your survival or primitive brain, which is also part of your subconscious is making you run away from potential partners because you don't feel safe.

Even though you've had recent experiences with unhealthy relationships... patterns such as these are usually formed in early childhood years - 0 to 7 and most likely before you were 4 or 5 years old. It’s like an un-integrated part of you or a 'younger you', also known in EFT Matrix Reimprinting terms as an ECHO got stuck back then and didn’t develop completely to grow up and be capable of attracting and forming healthy and balanced relationships.

Early negative experiences that stick with us don't have to be big traumas like ongoing physical or mental abuse, the death of a parent or other major tragedies. They can be ordinary, everyday 'white picket fence' things that just did not sit right with us as a child and caused an emotional blockage in our energy system.

As you investigate further with the tapping, many of the related events that come up may not seem like a big deal to you now, but they were quite likely a big deal to you back then, or else they would not have come up. We all had many little 't' trauma's that hold us back in our adult life!

We are so easily influenced as children, like little sponges. Dr. Bruce Lipton says; we are actually in a state of hypnosis i.e. slower brain waves and in learning mode, for the majority of our waking hours until we are 11 or 12 years old!

How to Discover and Tap on Relationship Fears and Energy Blocks

NOTE: There are many ways to release limiting beliefs and stuck emotions using EFT and/or other modalities. The following is just one method of dealing with negative patterns or energies from childhood.

Become very quiet, close your eyes and think about or imagine yourself getting involved in a brand new relationship. Check your body for any uncomfortable sensations, tension or even pain. Describe it to yourself i.e. a tight, sick feeling stomach. Then, put your left hand over your heart and your right hand on your solar plexus ask yourself... "When was the first time I felt this same feeling?

If you really plug into this, *and* if you are meant to do this work by yourself, you will go right back to a few times in your childhood when you felt demeaned, not respected, dishonored, unworthy, guilty, ashamed etc. Sometimes, our subconscious mind will not allow us to access early memories without the guidance of someone else. In this case, it is best if we do this type of work with an experienced EFT tapping buddy or a trained EFT practitioner.

If you are able to connect, most times it will be a parent, older sibling or caregiver i.e. grandparent who was involved. They were probably attempting to take your power away -- although likely, quite innocently, as a means of protecting you from something or keeping you under control for their own sanity. ;-)

"They were probably attempting to take your power away -- although likely, quite innocently, as a means of protecting you from something or keeping you under control for their own sanity."

Usually, they succeeded at disempowering you because to your survival or primitive mind, if you did not give in, your survival would be at stake. After all, they were the ones with the food and the shelter! So, you put up with these things and stuffed your feelings down. This happens over and over and the behaviour becomes a pattern that you continue following into adulthood, until you question and tap on it, that is!

When you come up with a few specific early events, you can start by tapping from the perspective of that younger you. This can be very effective because you'll be more able to associate with that stuck or blocked energy. Be prepared for some tears and different emotions coming up to the surface. Even simply closing your eyes, tapping without saying a word and letting the tears flow, will be very healing - as long as you don't suppress the energy when it comes up.

Tap in detail about how you felt, what you thought, what happened and what they did to you. Do all of this from the perspective of the younger you, your little girl. Do not try to think during this exercise, just feel your way through it!

After you sense that you have sufficiently calmed the younger you, tap from the perspective of the adult you. With patience, love and guidance, coach your younger self. Soothe that child who was hurt and felt disempowered such a long, long time ago.

Then, go back to the younger you and see if you can do some reframing and add in some powerful choices statements, even some playful humor. Let the adult you assist if necessary. All of this will help to grow up the stuck child part of you. It will integrate her with who you are today and allow you to become a more whole and balanced person. Very healing indeed!

Really take the opportunity to play with this kind of tapping... use your imagination and your intuition! You may even be able to tap on behalf of your parent, sibling or caregiver from their higher self or perspective. This will help to heal the connection between you and them. It does not matter if they are no longer alive. Tapping can cross all boundaries of space and time. :)

This method is a little like Parts Therapy from Hypnotherapy or NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) - however, this approach adds in the tapping, affirmations and choices statements. The great thing is, you can do it all by yourself!

By using this more artful and intuitive tapping, it is very interesting to see what our guidance will come up with. It’s so neat how we can shift old negative energies in very loving, creative and even fun ways. We are all brilliant healers if we give ourselves a chance and the permission to grow and learn!

"We are all brilliant healers if we give ourselves a chance and the permission to grow and learn!"

Lastly, do not worry about getting the tapping right. Just let your imagination and child like curiosity take over. If you feel relief, yawn, sigh, get shivers or goose bumps at any point, you will have had an energetic shift.

If however, you feel really stuck with something, it probably means that it's best to work with someone else on that part. But, there is a lot you can do on your own!

An alternative to this 'associative' type of tapping would be EFT Matrix Reimprinting. Matrix tapping is great when we feel there might be too much of an emotional charge around the event or memory or when we have tried other more traditional tapping methods and are not getting the results we desire. To find out more about Matrix tapping check out this article: EFT Matrix Reimprinting

Happy relationship tapping to you! Karen

P.S. Learning how to tap these types of issues is important. I plan to produce more material on this subject and others like it, in the near future.

To find out when brand new EFT audios, articles and tapping scripts appear on this web site, you can subscribe to the 'Free Email Alerts' (see below).

---

FREE EMAIL ALERTS: Stay Informed! Get the latest EFT 'how to' and Emotional Freedom Techniques information delivered right to your email in-box! Find out when brand new EFT Scripts, Tips, MP3 Audios and Articles appear on the TapIntoEFT.com web site!

first	name:			email:
Please make sure your email is correct.

---